What does it actually mean to "be yourself"?

I went to a festival this weekend called the Women’s Los Angeles Theater Empowerment Festival and we were talking about how artists can continually perform at their best. No matter what the topic of the workshop was whether it be “how to fund your solo project” or “Radical Self-care in the Face of Internal or Collective Challenges” we somehow always landed on the conclusion to “be yourself.”

The Problem.

The problem is we humans care so much about fitting in. We want to be liked and to feel welcome. Being different could risk being outcasted or not accepted in society and so it’s sort of like a survival mechanism to do and think whatever body else is thinking. And the moment someone does then all of a sudden maybe it’s not so radical afterall because someone else believes it. Right? That’s one of the popular sales tactics known as, “social proof”, a psychological principle where people look to the actions and approval of others to guide their own behavior and decisions. If thousands of people bought it, then it must be good right?

So why is it important to “be yourself”? Or to have your own point of view? Because maybe the way you like to do things means the difference in finding the cure for cancer or, something not as extreme- you create the world’s best waffle recipe all because you decided to do things your way instead of someone else’s.

Moreover, if we continue to do things that other people think is right or good for us, will we ever find true happiness or fulfillment? If we are constantly doing what let’s say “Jesus” would do? Because the fact of the matter is we aren’t all Jesus! We did not live his life or have his circumstances. Now i’m not saying we should do things even when they are bad/unethical I am purely speaking in terms of art and living life ethically. Because at the end of the day our experiences and our past make us who we are and whatever we find interesting to us will not be interesting to another because maybe they didn’t have a mother who perhaps baked all the time to help them uncover a love of cooking or didn’t go to a zoo and see monkey’s playing around for their favorite animal to be monkeys.

Some art by T. Baracchi.

We all have a unique set of experiences.

Things happened in our lives that leave a lasting impression on our mind and body whether we know it or not. I think that’s why I like acting and most of my friends aren’t really into it. I would account it to all the Sunday’s when my dad, me and my siblings would go to the movies at 12pm and then sneak into a second and third movie until it was dark outside. Then, afterwards, we would go out to eat and talk about our favorite stories and characters. It was a symbolic family tradition that made me really value the art and the effect it had on bringing people together and making them feel something, something different out of our ordinary lives.

How do we actually do it? “Be ourselves”?

Rick Rubin, the author of ‘The Creative Act: A Way of Being”, describes it as easy as knowing whether you like a particular food or not. Being faced with a decision and doing what “feels” right to us. It’s that simple. We don’t need to explain ourselves or know why or should even care what other people think because our reasons for thinking a certain way are completely different than theirs. I have a point of view that’s different than my dad’s that’s why I like my steaks medium and he likes his well done. There is no right or wrong in it, although a lot people may think that there is, but for me eating steak medium is right and to him eating it well done is right and to another person eating it cooked rare is right or the best. It doesn’t really matter it’s our point of view.

So when we approach our creative work we should analyze our piece not by how the audience is going to think of it. But by truely what do we, ourselves, think of it? If we think something is cool, unique, different or awesome than it is to us because that is our point of view. And it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks about it because they are simply going to consume your work through their point of view. So therefore… it’s still not your point of view. You get me? Everyone is going to see things in life based on their point of view so whether someone thinks its good or not- it doesn’t matter because they aren’t judging from your point of view they are seeing it through their own eyes and their own experiences.

Therefore, the only person’s opinion we should really care about is ours.

• Did we put out the best work we could possibly do?

• Did we do better than our last piece?

• Did we dig deep enough?

• Can we go deeper?

• Was I being true to myself and how I really wanted the piece to come out, no matter how long it takes?

  
  

These are the questions we should really be asking. Not what others think, but what do I think? How can I make this “better” not based on anyone’s standards but on my own standards?

What role do emotions play in being ourselves?

I think fear is a big emotional barrier to creating art fully and authentically. Like mentioned previously- fear of being judged and ostracized. But once we understand that everyone is innately and normally either going to jive with your work or not it’s never going to be because of you. It’s always something in their past or in their experiences that made them feel that certain way and since we are never going to know how others feel about it or what the outcome of it will be- there is no reason to take their thoughts or that into consideration.

Another big part I want to mention is that just because we think and do things a certain way now doesn’t mean we will always be doing it that way forever. We learn new information that we then choose to apply it to our life if we deem fit. For example, I was vegan for a very long time and believed in it very much but then learned that protein from animal sources is more readily available and can contribute to a healthy gut and much more, I realized that for me eating a carnivorous diet is better.

Our opinions and the way we see the world are constantly evolving as we move on with our lives and that’s what makes us so unique too, is that our experiences in life are continually shaping who we are but its still evermore important to live life like we want. Not the way someone else wants because they are totally different than me. They have advice based on their life but it’s up to me to figure out whether that advice is good for me.

I wanted to bring that up in the context of fear because new information can cause us to change our minds but it should still always be our decision at the end of the day. The fear of being stagnant wouldn’t be valid if we do the noble act of staying curious and open to new ideas as also a point of view, but doing what feels right or good to us as the end of the day. That’s what always staying true to yourself means, to me.

Final Takeaways

I think the best thing we could do for ourselves is get to know how we feel about certain things in the moment and not question or judge if it’s right or wrong or what other people will think. Simply feeling if this is for me or not for me and putting our best foot forward in regards to our art because it’s what we like not what that director, writer, producer, musician or you name it, would like. Because, that is what makes us so valuable as artists- it’s not if we can act the character the way people want to see it but how would we do it given our unique set of life experiences- our point of you.

So start now, what is something you’ve been doing to please others? And what would you rather do instead? Type it in the comments, I would love to hear your takeaways and also what “being yourself” means to you.